This post is long overdue.

When I fall silent, I become more observant of the world around me. I am taken out of the action. I watch people. The way they animate their faces, their gestures. I am reminded of how blind we are. But this is a blindness of our own choosing. We have the ability to see everything. The way his eyes blink rapidly, the way he smiles a few seconds after everyone else, the way the finger on his right hand keeps twitching. His body is tense. The smile is false. So many false smiles.

Who are you?
Are you the bubbly, cheerful gal that people see?
Are you cute and cuddly?
Morbid and dark?
A bitch in sheep’s clothing?
Are you a laughingstock?
Are you the girl that everyone wants to be?

The truth is, we are all of those things. We are light and dark. Good and bad. No mask can change that. No hood can cover our humanity. It will seep out from the seams whether we wish it to or not.

Those people who try to hide it but can’t…They are called two-faced. It’s almost unfair. They are no different from anyone else. Look around you. Really, look. Things are different when you are merely the observer.

I am many things. Equal part bad, and equal part good. Will you accept that? Will you accept that I am human?

“You are not human to me.”

But I am human.

“I want you in my life if you do not cause stress or negativity.”

How can I promise that? Nobody can.

I am human. I will drive you insane. I will make you sad. I will make you angry. I will make mistakes. It will be annoying.
I am human. I will help you stand. I will listen. I will love. I will hold you, keep you safe, and give you what I can.

Is that acceptable? It is the price of friendship.

What do you see when you look at me?
“You’re so adorable!”
“You look like a vampire. In a good way. Mysterious and cat-like.”
“I was afraid of you.”
“I didn’t believe you were still a virgin.”

Do you know me? Can we ever really, truly, know one another? I believe so, to a certain extent. Maybe that’s arrogance talking. I don’t know.

But I am more than what you see. And you are more than what I see. Humans are not so one-dimensional.

“I want you in my life if you do not cause stress or negativity.”
What does that mean?

Let me see the world. Let me know it. Let me feel it. Let me love it.
I will accept reality in all of its glory, the good and the bad.
Right now, there is so much wrong with my life. But I know I will make it out. Because in every darkness there is a light.
Let me lower my hood and show you my true self, if you’d like. See me for who I am. I beg you.